Post by Rift on Mar 20, 2016 13:19:37 GMT -7
Who the hell is Bucky?
That is a good question. Bucky was young, energetic, and fighting (and if need be killing) for the greater good. He was an example to the American youth, a hero to be looked up to by those who could see themselves in him, but were too young to officially punch a dirty Nazi in the face like he deserved. Bucky was also the best friend and partner of Captain America, the legendary Super Soldier that took the fight straight to Hitler’s doorstep. When you thought of one, the other wasn’t far behind. They stood in defense of truth, justice, and freedom. The comics said so, the weekly serials showed it, and their brothers in arms lived it and knew it to be the truth. Bucky was brave, selfless, and a credit to his nation and his generation. The undeniable truth was that even in a world just being exposed to the idea of marvelous people with superhuman abilities he was that rare thing that everybody hoped to be and that few, even those considered special because of their powers, could lay claim to: a hero.
Then he died.
Recent developments beg to differ and the good Lord knows Steve Rogers will tell you different, but he did. Bucky was and is dead.
The thing that rose to take his place, the ruthless killing machine that was a ghost among even the top tier intelligence organizations, that entity that was no leader, but a puppet taking life simply because he was told to? The Winter Soldier? Yeah, he’s dead too, if in name only. So that leaves the question left unasked by all who think they know the answer already: who am I?
Honestly, I don’t know. In a lot of ways I’m still that ghost in the shadows armed to the teeth and ready to deal out death at a moment’s notice. I spent so long as the Winter Soldier that to not be staying out of sight, yet ready to fight would be unnatural. In some ways, I am still that young kid that fought the Red Skull with a mean right hook and a wisecrack while Captain America threw his mighty shield in hopes of making the good old Red, White, and Blue and indeed the world a better, safer place. But I’m not Bucky, not anymore. The world isn’t black and white, I know that now. There are too many areas of gray and I can’t go back to being that kid again.
I’m not the Winter Soldier either or at least not the one that killed in the name of his Soviet masters. Steve saw to that when he restored my memories. Of course he wanted me to remember who I was and I do, but who I was, is not who I am now. Bucky was a hero, the Winter Soldier was a weapon of evil, and now I am at a loss about who I am. I just keep moving from one place to the next, keeping myself busy whenever I can so that the guilt I feel doesn’t crush me like a tidal wave. Sorry thing is I don’t even know everything I should feel guilty for. I remember what I did as Bucky, but as the Winter Soldier it is like a jigsaw puzzle. I don’t sleep much, but when I do it is not peaceful. I see flashes of things, places, and people. Some I lied to, others I killed. I don’t know who they were or why I was ordered to end them, but I know I did.
The authorities worldwide want me dead or incarcerated, not necessarily in that order, and I can’t blame them. If I know Captain America, he wants me to come in and to try to explain things, to make people see it wasn’t my fault, relying on the kindness and understanding of humanity to see the truth. Those were traits I never did believe in too much and even less now. Besides he only sees his friend, not the monster that is wearing his skin. I can only imagine what Steve’s new brightly colored pals the Avengers think of his defending me. Then there’s Fury who…well, hell, who knows what is going on in that head of his? Chances are he thinks of me as an occasional asset he can use in his massive chess game with…well the world. For now at least he is inclined to keep knowledge of my actions and locations a secret from Steve and everyone else.
I’m a ghost still, but I have a purpose or at least the closest I can get to having one. I know that I am responsible for many horrible things, including Philadelphia, but I also know that I am not alone in that guilt. There is plenty of blame to go around and I plan to share my feelings on these situations with several people, chief among them Aleksander Lukin and the Red Skull. Aside from that there are things I do remember, fragments of events and places. Weapons forgotten by most, the shadows of evils just waiting to rear their heads, and more. So that’s what I’m doing. Preventing dangers before they arise, destroying old weapons that could become new threats, and hunting for answers about myself. Call it a journey of self-discovery if you like, but I still only have a vague notion of the answer to the question. Who am I?
I am James Buchanan Barnes, I was the Winter Soldier, and I am the man that is going to kill The Red Skull, General Lukin, and anyone else that has it coming to them for their role what happened to me and what they made me do to my friends. I may not be much, but for now that’s good enough.
