Baldr snapped his fingers and the Shadowbird and Geiravör got up. Carol’s eyes widened as Thor warned that if Geiravör fled or even tried to defend herself, he would kill her. She wanted to protest. In truth she had felt just as responsible for this whole debacle as Geiravör was, after all, accidentally or not it was her that brought the Shadow King into Asgard. If it were not for her, this whole situation would not have happened, but before she could speak, both Baldr and Geiravör held her shoulders and shook their heads. The message was clear. “Don’t do it, not when he’s like this.” So carol remained silent as Thor and his wife walked away.
“Come.” Baldr said. “We can discuss this outside.” As the group of of women followed Balder, on the roman concrete quality stone streets, Carol began to speak.
“He’s…he’s not going to actually kill Geiravör …is he?”
Geiravör sighed. “I dishonored my prince’s show of hospitality to you Josephdottier, humiliating both him and myself in the process, Honor demands I pay with such treachery with my life if that’s what Thor sees fit.”
Again Carol’s eyes widened. All at once she was questioning what she really knew about one of the people she had fought alongside with for years.
“B-But that’s cruel and unfair. If anyone deserves death here it’s me. Ah’m the one that brought a demonic abomination right into the gates.”Shadowbird wanted to protest only to be met with a look by Baldr that quickly shot the wind from her sails. The message was clear. She had no room to speak about anything and the less she spoke unless spoken to, the better off she’d be.
Carol continued.
“That whole argument would not have started if Ah hadn't brought the Shadow King into Asgard."Geiravör shook her head. “You had no way of knowing you were possessed Carol, I on the other hand should have known better than to provoke my battle sister out of you during our feast.”
Baldr put a hand through his beard. “Yes, I'll admit, I am vexed as to why you decided to do something so foolish during such a sacred time. An argument between children is one thing but such behavior among the oldest Valkyrie…it is shameful.”
Geiravör bowed her head. “I offer no excuses.”
Baldr was at least pleased with the show of humility Carol however was not at ease.
“But what will happen to you? What is to be your fate?”
Geiravör sighed. “That will be up to Thor. He may execute me for my dishonor, or he may have me banished…my fate to in his hands”
Shadowbird gave a look that silently screamed
“serves you right”, however Baldr shot her a look that quickly shut her up. He then spoke
“You, I find most odd. How is it that the Valkyries know of you yet neither I nor my brother have heard the name Skyggefugl?”
“You do know her son of Odin.” Geiravör said. “Skyggefugl is the title she had amongst her battle sisters but you know her as Nòtt.
Both Baldr’s and Carol's eyes widened at this revelation.
The Shadow King could not help but wince when they heard the name Nòtt.
“Nòtt, as in the Norse goddess of night?” Carol asked
“The Weaver of Dreams?” Baldr asked as well.
The Shadow King let out an exasperated sigh.
“... yes.”The Shadow King formally the goddess Nòtt sat on nearby rock and began to weave a tale of a time long forgotten.
“In the Beginning I was alone, there was nothing but darkness and the world was formless and nothing but the waters of the deep were upon it. Then came the Voice of the One Above All, and by his command he gave me an equal, a sister. She was the counter me to Phoenix, and from her came light and energy
Through her the one created the Stars. The planets, the day the very concept of light and life itself. Chaos magic found peace within itself. I was no longer alone. I was…happy. Over the eons we lived and played together balancing each other. I would stimulate her with new experiences with my Chaos magic, she would use her cosmic magic to soothe me and help me find peace.
Meanwhile, as demon's spewed forth and waged war with the heavens and the various man-races came into existence, My sister and I would protect the very creation that we helped create.
The Phoenix would guard the day. When demons invaded the earth and enslaved mankind, she imbued a portion of her power into a group of Five Heralds known as the phoenix Five, and with her power they drove back the demons and freed humanity from their shackles.
I protected the people in the night, defending them from the great monsters that haunt under the beds of children and tried to devour them in their dreams. It was with my Valkyrie sisters that we protected the resting and the dead. Among my battle sisters I was known as Skuggfågel, The Shadowbird. But I learned the hard way that the worst things lie in men’s hearts. I came across the First Nightmare ever conceived. I saw things in it that no one can bear to imagine. And I received comfort from no one, not the people I protected, not my friends, not even my own sister. So I lashed out. She and I battled and I forced my sister to experience everything as I had…and it caused her to break as it broke me. She had become convinced that the truest mercy she could give the world would be to destroy it and start over.”
“The Dark Phoenix.’ Carol said softly.
“Yes, that was the first instance of the Dark Phoenix, Like The Shadow King was born from the first nightmare, so too was the Dark Phoenix.”
“What I don't understand sister is why did you abandon us?” Geiravör asked.
Shadow King or Nòtt scoffed.
“Why did I abandon you? Why did YOU abandon me? Where were any of you when I needed help? Where were you when I experienced violation? I saved the world from horrors beyond anyone's imagination? For millions of years I saved the world but where was anyone else when I was the one that needed saving?”Carol's jaw dropped upon hearing those words. Almost word for word she had said the exact same thing to Thor before coming to Asgard. Part of her immediately began to wonder if Shadow King had been influencing her thoughts, had they been causing her to be as she had been the past five years…but then a more disturbing thought came to her mind. Were the two more alike than either cared to admit? Nòtt gave a silent nod and a single question escaped Carol's lips.
“In another life, could I have ended up like you?”
“In another life…in another universe…you already are.”
There was an eerie silence between the group of four as Nòtt ominous words sunk in for Carol. She immediately thought back on all the times she had mentally tormented Rogue while being absorbed. She couldn't help but imagine there was a universe where she had been unable to get her body back, either stuck as Rogue or left as a bitter wandering ghost neither living nor dead, possessing whatever body she could get ahold of just so that she could experience feeling again…just like The Shadow King.
Carol took another deep breath and asked Nòtt one more question. “So you've been inside me this whole time and yet you never took the driver seat when you easily could have. Why? I mean, there's no telling what you could have been able to accomplish using my body.”
Nòtt scoffed. “Oh please, I take over the world for all of Five minutes and then what? Your allies aren't stupid Carol. If I used your body to take over the world or create some kind of…Super Criminal Empire your Super Friends would find me out in no time flat and then Stark or Xavier would pull something out of the sky to stop me, free you, and once again I'm left floating in darkness spending months or even years regenerating and finding another host. It gets tiresome losing over and over again you know! And for the record. I did influence you at least somewhat I made it easier for you to be the cold hearted space cop you were trying to be and I helped you lose that Msissippian accent that Rogue gave you. Or have you not noticed it returning?
Carol opened her mouth but found no rebuttal to her remark, she didn’t think about it, but Yeah Nòtt was right, ever since her talk with Ben Grimm her inherited Mississippian accent and mannerisms had started to come back. It started out with the small stuff, saying “Ah” instead of “I” using the phrase “Sugah” when talking to someone affectionately, she did find that after the civil war it got much easier to be hard nosed than it all rights should have been given her character, part of it was PTSD whether Carol knew it or not, but in hindsight, the idea that Shadow King was also helping push her in that direction, it made sense.
What Nòtt/Shadow King said next however really threw Carol off.
“For what it’s worth,” Nòtt said with a bit of sadness in her voice. “I WAS trying to help you fight Ultron. I thought the best way to ensure the least amount of casualties was to go after Ultron directly. In hindsight I was wrong….I’m sorry.”
That was a mistake. Carol’s lips curled into a sneer. Shadow King was sorry…Shadow King….was…SORRY?!? Sorry didn’t stop the dam from shattering, sorry didn’t stop from Mckinney Texas from flooding, leading thousands to die. Carol began to growl and foam once more as she began to relive the news reports and the comments all over again.
(OOC Note: These are from real post)
"She dun' it!" A young girl told our reporter, mere moments after watching most of her class get washed away. "I used to want to be like her when I grow up, but I don't any more."
"It was that Avenger lady,"(She) shot the dam and killed my mommy."
" From US President Barrack Obama: My fellow citizens... a tragedy occurred merely an hour ago in the state of Texas. And while this is something that should be commemorated and remembered, that is for later.
"Now we have to look at who caused this destruction. We have to look at how this happened, and it looks like the finger of blame points squarely at Ms. Marvel. Ultron was present, but all evidence points to Marvel firing the blast that broke the dam.
"Ms Marvel, for whatever reason, destroyed that dam. She is the one who murdered that town, and the blood of countless individuals is on her hands!”The Berserker symbol on Carol’s back began to glow once more on her back and she began to growl and foam at the mouth once again, she took a wild lunge at The Shadow King but once again it was futile. Not to say it didn’t strike the fear of God in them as they instinctively dodged Carol’s animalistic fury.
“You have the gall to tell me you’re sorry?!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE?!? EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR MONTHS ON AFTERWARD AH COULD STILL HEAR THEIR SCREAMS!!! EVERY…SINGLE…NIGHT!!! SO SHUT IT WITH THE WHOLE “AH’M SORRY CRAP…SORRY CAN’T DELIVER THE INNOCENT FROM HELL!!!”
As Carol readied an energy blast she felt arms wrap around her waist and squeeze her like an anaconda. She looked behind to see Baldr trying to wrestle her into submission but still very much under the influence of her berserker rage, she fought back like a wild bull of Heaven.
“GET OFF OF ME!!”
Baldr could not help but be both impressed and afraid. She fought with the strength of ten thousand asgardian berserkers, never since trying to pacify his brother Thor while he himself was in a berserker state did Baldr experience such power and fury. Yep, if Carol accepted what she was and accepted training, she would certainly find a place within the hall of the gods. A goddess, of war, of justice, of victory or hope, there was no telling where her potential could take her. Right now however he had to get her to calm down.
Biting and Foaming, Carol lept backward and slammed Baldr right against the ground trying to throw him off like a bull bucking off a rider. Baldr could not be more thankful of his invincibility than he was now. Carol was like a wild beast, at one point he could almost swear that he saw Carol’s eyes fog over in a feral haze.
Nòtt and Geiravör looked in shock as they witnessed the furocity in which Carol fought. Yeah, there was no doubting it. Carol was a berserker, one that could rival Thor. As Baldr was pinned to the ground he looked to the two women and nodded at them. They were quick to flee. After a while, a long while Carol seemed to calm down and Baldr released her. She ripped herself away from him with one last frustrated growl.
“WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!? NOW THOSE TWO ARE LIKELY TO FLEE FROM ASGARD!!!”
“No…they won’t. Believe me we have eyes and ears everywhere.I let them go because I wanted to make sure that you couldn’t rip them apart.”
As Carol felt her fury fade. She began to take deep breaths and clutched her chest, her heart was going a million beats a minute (Well more like 180 beats per minute but exaggeration aside). She collapsed to the floor and let out a whimper.
“Why…Why is this happening to me?”
Baldr sat cross legged on the ground and invited Carol to do the same. She obliged. He then let out a sigh.
“It’s been called various things throughout human history, Soldier’s heart, Shell Shock, Combat Fatigue…”
Carol’s mouth dropped slightly as he listed off various names for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It didn’t take long to put together what Baldr was saying.
“Are you saying I have…PTSD?”
Baldr’s face twisted into a bit of a warm smile as he hung his head. “Really Carol, are you that surprised, after all you’ve been through? I don’t know everything but I’ve been told about some of the worst stuff that’s happened to you. Mind controlled, and violated, nearly had your soul absorbed by a mutant, frankly it’s a wonder you are able to keep yourself as much as you have. Many Berserkers would have broken long before you have.
“Is that what a Berserker is, someone who is suffering PTSD?”
Baldr shook his head. “sort of, but Not quite. All Berserkers suffer from PTSD of some kind, but not every soldier that suffers from PTSD is a Berserker. Does that make sense?”
Carol nodded. She could not believe it. PTSD She knew it was something her father had from years of serving in the Navy and being in fear of the Kree.
Her father had actually suggested that she might have has it during her fight with alcoholism, pointing out that both her “Relationship” with Marcus and nearly losing herself to Rogue both could easily cause it. But Carol blew such a concern off. PTSD? No she couldn't have PTSD.
She was an Avenger. She was the first AND last line of defense between Earth and horrors that no mere mortal could face. She had to let everything roll off her back and continue fighting. That was her job, her duty.
Yet, reality seemed to be hitting her square in the jaw as she looked at the massive meteorite-like craters that now littered the ground. The ground was healing due to the enchantments surrounding Asgard but it was still proof of the massive scuffle between her and Baldr. In the span of a day, she had 3 episodes. Two of them involved lashing out. Looking at everything objectively the evidence was too obvious to ignore. If it were anyone else she'd have recognized it and gently confronted them about it. So why could she not recognize it within herself?”
Carol let out a defeated sign.
“Ah’m not fit to be a hero…Ah’m a danger.”
Baldr placed a hand on Carol's shoulder. “Carol, you're not a danger to others, and you won't become a mindless killer.
“B-But Thor said Berserkers have to…”
“It is in the nature of Aesir to…over exaggerate the awe and the peril of things…it is true, it takes training for a Berserker to develop any sense of control over their rage and some never gain absolute control, hence why they were only ever allowed to unleash it in certain places or certain times. Thor is one of them. The only place he's ever allowed to unleash his full might is here on Asgard for fear he might tear half the universe apart in his rageful fury…but many DO develop full control…I'm one of them.”
“Y-you’re a Berserker?”
Baldr unrolled the left sleeve of his tunic, starting at his shoulder and going down his arm, was the symbol of the Berserker He then gave Carol another warm smile.
“See? you're not alone.”
Carol could not help but be stunned at the fact that Baldr was a Berserker, Thor she could see, but Baldr was a surprise given her interaction with him. He seemed meek and reserved, but then again maybe that was proof that he was in full control of his gift.
“But how do you know Ah’ll be able to fully control it?” Carol asked.
“Because Carol, daughter of Joseph, you already were mostly in control of it the first time you used it, when you fought that Kraken.”
Carol thought back to her battle with the Kraken when she went full throttle, the rush, the thrill, it felt euphoric.
“Ah just thought that was an adrenaline rush Ah was experiencing from not holding back.”
“That's exactly what it is Carol, going berserk, it's not some kind of neurological disease, it's a state of mind, one that yes is birthed from Post Traumatic Stress, but we Beserkers have an ability that most don’t. We have the ability to turn our trauma into our power, our weakness into our strength.
Baldr then got up. “Look I know you’re scared, but I promise you we can help you…we want to help you….do you trust us?”
All carol could do was look at Baldr for a good few seconds. There was so much to take in and it all seemed to be going so fast, but she trusted Baldr, or at lease she trusted Thor whom trusted Baldr, besides what choice did she really have? So, she grabbed his hand and pulled herself up.
“Alright, Ah trust you.”
Baldr could not help but blush as her face was inches from his, but any thoughts he had he tried to keep far from his mind. He decided to go for a distraction.
“Hey, you know what I really think would help…a good hunt. Come on, follow me.”
~~~
Carol and Baldr walked through the icy forest of the Asgardian wilderness It was one of the few places that had remained relatively unchanged in it’s many eons of existence. Many earthlings were of the mistaken belief that Asgard was this place frozen in time that had not changed, a perfect snapshot of Nordic life in the 800s, to be fair, a lot of that DID remain in Asgard, but that wasn't to say Asgard was totally stuck in the “Age of the Vikings” as modern Terrans called it. It had movie theaters, sports bars, even some fast food chains (Yes, Even Asgard was not safe from the unyielding conquest of the likes of Mcdonalds, KFC, Chick-Fil-A, and…Taco Bell) Unlike many places however, Asgard did a much better job at blending with the old while still holding onto themselves.
Still, for Baldr it was nice every once in a while to get away from any semblance of modernisation altogether and return to his roots. A good hunting trip allowed Baldr to do just that and given everything that she was dealing with he could not help but think that it would help Carol too.
ErCarol had never actually gone hunting before. Contrary to what many people believed she was a boston city girl born and raised, and it was not until Rogue had absorbed her and Carol soul had absorbed some of Rogue’s personality traits (and vice versa) that she had developed any kind of southern girl charm or tendencies.
Still the idea of a hunt excited her, it’d be a new experience and perhaps getting more one with nature would calm her nerves.. For whatever reason however, Baldr decided that they would go bow hunting, something that she had zero experience with, but she supposed there was a first time for everything.
Thoughts and questions floated in Carol’s mind the entire walk. Baldr too was a Berserker, and according to him, all Besekere’s experienced Trauma that rendered them with some form of PTSD, so it was only natural for her to wonder what Baldr:s story was. But she said nothing. If he wanted to reveal more of his backstory he'd do so on his own time.
As they continued walking in the woods, Baldr raised his hand and gave out a small shhh.
“What?”
Baldr pointed to one of the massive trees that towered over the frosty landscape. On one of the mighty branches perched the silhouette of a large creature that looked like an owl of some sort.
“What is that…” Carol whispered
“Shhh!” Baldr urges but it was two late. The creature’s neck did a full 180° and it let out a horrific ear bleeding screech. Before launching into the sky with the force of a twister before disappearing into the night.
Carol covered her ears as she was unexpectedly thrown off her feet. Once the ringing in her ears ceased, she regained her footing.
“What the heck was that?
“A Katyogel. Creatures of high renown that are as old as Asgard itself. Some associate them with wisdom while others say that they are fragments of Nòtt’s essence. I tend to believe the latter. Come on, it seems the chase is on.”
Carol followed behind as Baldr sprinted into the direction of the Katyogel, she could not help but watch in aww as she followed his lead. There was no hesitation, it's like he knew exactly where the Katyogel was and where dhe was going.
Baldr held up his hand once more and pointed to one of the tree tops. The Katyogel was once again perched.
Baldr had Carol approach closer, the Katyogel once again turned her head, but this time it did not screech. This time, it rose up in the air and flapped it's wings like a mighty wind. The Katyogel began to speak…except it did not open it's mouth. She was speaking directly into Carol's head.
*Carol Daughter of Joseph your tormented soul approaches me. Your heart is clouded and heavy and in you I see a sea of doubt.”
Carol could not help but smirk as she approached the Katyogel.
“Nice word Salad sugah, but you ain't deliverin’ any spicy hot takes that your everyday telepath couldn't muster.With a shadowy light the Katyogel changed form. When the blacklight faded the Katyogel looked like a shadowy clone of Carol herself. Albeit in her Ms marvel/Warbird outfit. The Katyogel-Carol smirked.
“Perhaps …but is my assessment wrong? Your confused your tormented. You really have no idea who you are.”
Carol growled and lunged at the Katyogel. “No duh Sherlock!” *Pant pant*
“I've got some form of PTSD that apparently is going to manifest itself into some kind of Hulk Out, Ah destroyed my reputation and my mentors mantle trying to defend that stupid Registration Act…”
She widely swung at Katyogel-Carol
Katyogel-Carol chuckled. “It's never enough is it?”
Carol snarled. She could feel the rage build up inside of her. Katyogel-Carol raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“A winged Berserker….a rare sight indeed . I propose a wager, if you can strike me once, just once I shall grant you a gift…but if I hit you once, then you will spend an entirety watching over my young, Do we have a deal?”
Carol let out growl. “Bring it Birdie!”
Katyogel-Carol chuckled and took flight, The creature was as fast as Carol, it matched her not only in speed but agility as well, Carol in the meantime was seeing red, It was like a vicious cycle, Frustration fuled her aggression which in turn seemed to only feed into her frustration.
“I seee inside your mind Carol Danvers….” Katyogel-Carol mocked. “You have experienced pain your entire life. You’ve suffered pain most would not wish on their worst enemies…abandoned, betrayed, fearful you’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. It hurts does it not?”
Carol gritted her teeth as memories flooded her mind, Marcus….Rogue….Mickenny…her time as Captain Marvel….It all finally came too a head and she let out a bloodcurttling shriek.
“EVERY TIME!!!! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!! RIGHT WHEN AH GET MAH LIFE BACK TOGETHER SOMETHING RIPS IT RIGHT FROM UNDER ME!!! AH DO EVERYTHING AH CAN! IT’S NOT…GOOD…ENOUGH!”
Without even thinking her fist connected with her Doppleganger’s cheek. The doppelganger staggered backwards. The doppelganger smiled before reverting back to her owl form.
*Do you speak true?*
Carol nodded.
*Then why do you punish yourself so? You cannot change the past anymore than you can hold onto individual grains of sand. Do not forget, learn but also do not dwell into your past failures to the point that you lose who you are. Remember this: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.*
The Katyogel Disappeared into a puff of smoke. Carol didn’t know why but something about it’s words struck a chord.
*Do you speak true, then why do you punish yourself so?*
She was reminded of a conversation she once had with the Spirit of Mar-Vell he said something that stuck with her.
“This job– we try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that– then next time...maybe nobody gets saved. All we can do is the best we can. That’s all anyone has the right to ask for?”
Her mind went back to that quote. Had she truly forsaken the wisdom of her mentor? Had she forgotten his sage wisdom since Mckinney. The words of the Katyogel stuck in her mind one more time.
*Remember this: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present*
Why did she beat herself up over the stuff she had no control over, and why did she let it turn her into someone she was not, it was one thing to learn from past mistakes and become a better hero, but she when she took on the mantel of Captain Marvel she changed for the worse in all the ways that mattered to her, The second battle of Mckinney proved that much when she returned to her old mantel. Her mind went to her Berserker Rage. She couldin’t change the past, She could not change the things that happened to her and the pain it caused. But she could take away the power that pain had over her and turn it into her strength, she could embrace her pain and become the master over it…or she could wallow in her pain and remain a victim, change herself to satisfy those whom could never be satisfied and fight against herself until she was little more than a hollow husk. She chuckled.
“Never again…” she whispered. Carol looked down and noticed what seemed to be some kind of giant black owl pelt or skin. As she picked it up she once again heard the voice of the Katyogel.
*As promised, my gift to you. Wear it in battle with pride Berserker, and remember my words…Farwell Carol Danvers, Your name will be written in the Sagas to come. This I Foresee…*
“Carol!”
Carol looked up to see Baldr running toward her. “I watched the battle and chased after you two…”
He looked at the Skin, and his eyes widen….
“The Skin of a Katyogel…it is often said, that a great nordic owl will only shed it’s skin for someone who is destined for greatness, and is on the path to self-reflection…did you learn anything about yourself during your encounter?”
Carol could not help but smile.
“Yeah…Ah think Ah have….come on let’s go back to Asgard.”The two went back to Asgard, and Baldr found a tanner whom was able to make a full blown cloak and tunic from the Katyogel Skin. She also fashioned a pair of leather and fur bracers and a red sash, it was not long before Carol had a full blown outfit, one fitting of a Berserker. She took it outside and quick changed it on.
“How do Ah look?”
Baldr let out a whistle. “Like A berserker of Midgard.”
The Shadow King bounded back to Carol as Geiravör walked out of a sports bar, the two new better than to leave Asgard. Shadow King was flattered that Carol was wearing her symbol and Geiravör was impressed by the outfit itself.
“Truly you are a Beseker. Geiravör said with a laugh.”
Carol gave a hardy laugh of her own.
“Come on, AH have a formal challenge to make.”She flew and landed to the center of the square and shouted a challenge lound enough for Thor to hear. Obviously she hoped he’d respond but if not so be it.
“SON OF ODIN!!!! AH CAROL DANVERS, DAUGHTER OF JOSEPH DANVERS, THE SHADOWBIRD, THE KRAKEN-SLAYER, THE BERSERKER MAIDEN OF MIDGARD CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL FOR HONOR AND FOR SKILL, TONIGHT WE REST! BUT TOMORROW AT THE CRACK OF DAWN…WE FIGHT…IN BLÓÐHÖLLIN!!!!”
She had a feral gleeful grin on her face. unlike before at the feasting hall, there was no desperation or despair in her voice this. No, now there was vigor, excitement, a shadowy fire burned it’s blue embers fueling her. She had new life in her now and she was ready for a challenge. But the question was, would the son of Odin meet her?