A Simple Repo Job (Deadpool vs. Black Widow)

[razor]

Deadpool

"In the immortal words of Clark Whatsisname -- up, up and away!"

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Deadpool would fall face first on the pavement and skid a small amount before looking back up at the Museum for Modern Arts. The grand building was full of people looking out of the doorway as the security guards stood in front of the door... Doing their job of securing the facility. There would also be a pile of rubble about ten feet away...
His sculpture!


"Oh no! Look what you did! My magnificent sculpture!!!" He'd fall to his knees, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You monsters will be hearing from my lawyer."


"Sorry, Deadpool. The Museum of Modern Art cannot accept the hyper-realistic sculpture of your genitalia. We feel that it is vulgar and inappropriate and an insult to the idea of art."


"Isn't like... Everything you just said anti-art?" He'd ask with a grin, realizing that the word "grin" hit the word count and he needed to say nothing else.

---

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[bio858]

Black Widow

When taking a job for HYDRA, she'd realize much later that the organization was doing this as a middleman for a different group. One by the name of the Weapon X program. Now, under normal circumstances, she would have just taken the assassination job under them instead. No need for some middleman, when she could get her paycheck up front. But the conditions of this assignment for a bit different. She was to, not only bring back Deadpool alive, but to leave his body intact. In fact, she couldn't subjugate his body towards any unique conditions that aligned with that of death.

<"Strange conditions to set, Zemo. This neurotoxin better work.">

She only went along with the HYDRA offer since they were willing to foot the bill so to speak. She wouldn't have to come up with any kind of unique anesthesia to take the man down. Sure, she had connections at AIM, but she couldn't go to them every time for some fancy new toy. No, she needed to branch out. It was only way she could get more clients to fulfill the lifestyle she wanted to live.

If that meant working for an agency many seem to correlate with that of Nazis, so be it.

<"It will. Remember to hand the body to us first. I wish to see the exact limitations of his healing factor before making the deliver to our colleagues in Weapon X.">

<"Whatever. Just make sure my check clears.">

She had just enjoyed a nice meal within the Brazilian Steakhouse that she was now perched upon. The darts off her Widow's bracelet didn't have that long of a range. So she needed to keep her eyes on her target, whom she last saw enter the Museum right across 53rd. Belova hoped that the dart did the trick. She was in no mood to fight the target head on, especially since he had a penchant to mouth off. She was in no mood to deal with talkers.

Thankfully, as she waited upon the building, she'd see her target making a commotion. With the guards throwing him out, along with the remains of what looked to be a shadow based off him. At least, she assumed it was him within the rubble, as she was able to spot the head that resembled the target's own with his mask on.

Hearing his commotion with the guards did give the woman a chuckle. She almost regretted ruining the man's day even more. Almost...

Aiming her wrist towards the target, her bracelet's would read the sensors in her suit that were aligned to her nerves. Knowing her will, the bracelets would fire the dart, with its aim true. She's fired off her bracelets several times in the past, at various distances and angles. The target wasn't aware of her presence. This was gonna hit, and when it does, he'll most likely feel the intense pain, nausea, and drowsiness that came with whatever was inside the dart.

If it properly worked that is....

[razor]

Deadpool

"In the immortal words of Clark Whatsisname -- up, up and away!"

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Deadpool looked between the guards and raised an eyebrow...


"My start of an overarching plot is tingling..." He'd say getting hit with one of the darts right in the spinal cord. The other two guys would get hit right in the dicks, which caused Deadpool to point and laugh at them.


"HA HA! That's what you get for not respecting ar-AAAAAAGHHHHH!" He'd shriek out in pain as the toxin overtook his body.


AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!


AAARRRGHHH!


"Wait, no no no, don't do the voices thing again, PLEASE don't do the voices thing again." He'd sputter, lifting his mask to vomit a little.


I'm awake! You sedated me, you freak!


Agreed. You left us to die. The people want to see us.


"Shut... Up, you're leaving no room for internal monologue..." He'd say as he fished a couple things out of one of his pouched before slumping on the ground.


When Black Widow decided to emerge from the shadows to retrieve the body, she would be met with a groaning Deadpool.


Oooooohhhhh they're getting close, I can't wait!


Be quiet, we're gonna spoil the surprise.


If and when she decided to try and move him, he would roll a flashbang out between his legs.


"Surprise!" He'd say with a cough.


Unless she moved out of the way, she would be met with a standing Deadpool with a needle directly in his forehead and a gun pointed at her.

---

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[bio858]

This was gonna be an easy collection. It seemed the specialized sedative did its trick, as Yelena grappled down towards the steps of the museum. The guards that witnessed the scene would all start to run away, afraid for their lives. Now that there was no one around to get in her way, all she needed was to collect the body and make her way to her employer. Hitting a button upon her wrist, she'd call upon her remote piloted bike. With the vehicle on its way, she'd keep her bracelets pointed at the mercenary in case he made any sudden movements.

Which is why a strange bulge in his pants caught her eye.
"Tch, seriously?"

She'd stare at just the right moment, for when he opened up his legs, she'd put her left arm up to cover up her eyes. Rolling away from the blast, she'd point her right arm upwards to aim her widow's bracelet towards where she assumed the threat would be. Peeking out from her left arm, she'd see Deadpool standing straight up with the needle sticking straight up out of his skull.

"You're still awake? How is that possible!?"

[razor]

Deadpool

"In the immortal words of Clark Whatsisname -- up, up and away!"

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WHOA MOMMA!


She's got some bazoingas!


"Quit staring, quit staring, quit staring..."


Sexy Black Widow?


Which one?


Deadpool would pull out a katana for his free hand and blink a few times to peel himself from the cleavage of the woman.


"You and your guys have been pumping me with this stuff for ages... I don't know who you people are, but I wanna know why you're pumping me with more roofies than a victim of Cardi B's earlier days." He'd say with a shrug, "But, in the light of this being a full thread, you're probably not going to give anything up that easily, so we're going to have to fight first. SO... En garde!"


Upon saying that, Deadpool would begin with opening fire on her as he rushed her. He wanted to keep her moving so she couldn't plant herself. When he made it up close, he was going to swipe the katana at her. His intent wasn't to kill, and she would likely make note of that. He wanted to keep her alive at least long enough to figure out who was getting these things from him.
There was also no guarantee that she would keep her limbs.


GO FOR THE EYES!


GO FOR THE ZIPPER!

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[bio858]

Despite the merc surviving the toxin, she could see that he was still a bit off, mainly due to the slight wobble the man had with his stance. Still, he caught her off guard and had her at a bit of a disadvantage. Luckily, she had a hint his gaze wasn't towards her face but towards her...chest?

Men...typical, but I can take advantage of that!

Too bad she had to move first. Bullets started to fly, as she quickly rolled and flipped to her right, firing bullets from her bracelets towards Deadpool. She was surprised the Merc missed her frame, being so up close, but she figured the man was only feigning the fight. He wasn't trying to kill her, especially as she'd note the swing of his blade was aimed towards her right arm, not her body.

With her leaning back to avoid the swing, she saw an opportunity that she would quickly take as she decided to respond back to his pointless banter.

"I don't have time to play games with you. My employer is paying top dollar for your body, and I aim to deliver!"

Throwing what seemed to be a straight towards his head with her left fist, she'd instead attempt to shoot a bullet right towards his head, hoping the projectile would not only fly through his head, but cause the merc to fall over unconscious. Unless the man found a way to avoid said projectile.

[razor]

Deadpool

"In the immortal words of Clark Whatsisname -- up, up and away!"

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Deadpool would look at you, the reader, with a knowing face as he heard that an employer was paying top dollar for his body. It's agony to keep doing this, but it was important nonetheless. His whole life had been running from his problems, and now he was trying to fight off one right now...
In the form of a smokin' hot babe!!!


"If your employer wanted a statue, they could have... *unf* just asked!" He'd say, taking the shots from the bracelets.


Deadpool closed the distance yet again, willing to take some more shots if need be. His goal was to disarm her gauntlets that likely had so much more function than needed.


"You know poisoning a bone-uh-fied SHIELD agent is a crime, right? I could have you thrown in jail if you weren't so pretty!"

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[bio858]

It would seem the straight would narrowly miss the mercenary's brain, hitting the side of his cheek instead. With a bit of the "agent's" face missing, the second Black Widow would be forced to play defensively. The mercenary was closing in, and had no issues taking shots from her bracelets. Deciding to go in for a preemptive dodge, she'd drop quickly to the ground, expecting another swing towards one of her arms. Hoping for an opening, she'd go in for a quick sweep to hopefully knock Deadpool to the ground.

If the maneuver succeeded, she'd flip backwards and decide to fire a different projectile from her bracelet. This time being a Widow's Sting, hoping to electrocute the foe into unconsciousness. Ultimately, Hydra wanted the man alive. Perhaps this play was her best bet at doing so. Though that would prove to be tough for our would be assassin.

"Stop playing games. We paid you top dollar to capture him alive."

"Well, he's proving more troublesome than I expected, so I would you appreciate you not nagging in my ear."

She needed to focus on this fight, especially if she wanted to fulfill her employer's demands.