Letters to my Love (Kingpin)

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

It has felt like a lifetime since you've been gone. I write these letters here alone in my study because indeed this is the only place I feel like I can allow myself to feel vulnerable. Tis the price I pay to uphold the sort of reputation I have. After all, once men see their betters as having gone soft they see it as an opportunity to attack. Like a hyena attacks a venerable lion. 

I miss you. I miss you greatly. even as I write this I listen to our song that we danced to in the ballroom that fateful night we first met, the first night I began to truly feel alive. It's a funny thing really. When I was younger I was never one for setimentality. My father had a way of cauterizing such feelings as those. You have only that which you can keep and if you can't keep it, you were never worthy of it to begin with. 

Yet, the night that cancer took you away from me, was the first time in my life I truly ever felt that fate had robbed me. It was not fair Vanessa. We had so many more years to share together. It was just not fair. But what fate has taken I WILL take back. One way or another we will be together again. I promise my love.


Until then,

My heart aches for you. 

[John Kilroy]

Nothing! So far all my research and it has led to nothing! It seems as though The Jackel has seemingly decided to disappear on me before I had the chance to recruit him. Perhaps it is for the best. Knowing him, he would try to continue his personal cloning experiments. Worthless. How many times must that man face the same failure before he realizes he needs to take a different approach? I thought perhaps the answers to what I seek lay in the Arcane Arts, but I doubt Dr. Strange would be so quick to grant me his greatest secrets. 

So far my plan with Daredevil is going perfectly. The next step would be to expose him out in the open and leave it to the Avengers to arrest him. There is something oddly satisfying about having heroes in your back pocket without them knowing it. People always assume that power is the ability to punch through walls and while there is truth to that, true power lies in the shadows. The Devil is one of the few to know that.


Until then My Sweet Vanessa,



My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

People don't want to be special. I do think that. It is my philosophy. They- people want to be told what to do and how to live and they want men like me to tell them. They want to go to work and do as little as they can possibly get away with, and they want a big cookie at the end of the day for doing it. And they want men like me to give it to them. And if it wasn't me it would be someone else. This is a sentiment I hold to. Everyone would like to think of themselves as the brave, the superheroes, the elite. The fact is however, most people are in fact sheep, pigs to the slaughter. When confronted with a little bit of fear that isn't part of the plan and suddenly these civilized people start eating each other. Take a look at McKinny it was a single incident in a town that most people wouldn't think twice about statistically speaking the deaths that came about from it were but a drop in the bucket compared to lives lost in violent crime and yet it was enough to bring all of the superhuman population to its knees and cause people to turn on them. Why is this? It is simple my sweet Vanessa. 

It's because it was a spectacle. no one thinks about the 20,000 plus murders or the 40,000 plus automobile deaths that occur every year, because we just expect it. It's all part of the plan the grand design, but take an accident as collateral damage of war and put it on national television and people lose their minds. People fear what they feel they have no control over and they will grasp at any sense of control they can muster even if it will do more damage in the long run. This is why I do what I do because if I didn't, someone else would. 

I shall end this entry here but until next time my sweet Vanessa,

My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

I was at the barber today going about my normal routine of getting a shave and a haircut. The Hobgoblin came and visited me today Kingsley. He was as annoying and as foolish as I remembered him. Seems as if he is as interested in seeing how these devil riots play out as I am. 

I am tired Vennesa. I'm tired of this endless dance that Matthew and I are constantly in. If I have my way this will be the last time. There is so much more out there. I don't mean that I wish to get involved with the Avengers, I'm just not that kind of a man. but there is so much more out there than just Daredevil Perhaps it is destiny that we will always cross paths and be in eternal conflict, like two lions fighting for scraps. If we do cross paths again, it will not be because of me. 

my heart, my mind my soul...it longs for you. All the time wasted on Daredevil could have been used to bring you BACK!!!!


*Sigh* Someday, someday we will be reunited again.

Until then,

My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

Right when I think I fully understand humanity, People always seem to do that one exact thing that surprises me. I thought people would always remain in fear of superheroes because of the simple fact that people fear that which is stronger than they are. While this is true still somewhat, I have noticed that people seem to be adapting more to the real world and becoming accepting of it. I guess it makes sense if you really think about it. What better way to get over an allergy that to be continuously exposed to it?

The SRA has proven to be a failed experiment and while I'm sure The People wait with bated breath for its appeal, I doubt those in power will be so keen on giving themselves over at the mercy of what they see as their lessers. You see Vanessa, that's the thing about old dinosaurs that are about to go extinct, they refuse to adapt, yet they cannot envision a world that goes on without them, so if they go down, they are determined to take the world with them. I hope not to be like this. Just as I believed it was time for organized crime to evolve, I think it is time for me to evolve, perhaps in politics or someplace away from New York, a place with you by my side again, but first I must remove this devil-shaped thorn from my side.

until then,

My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

If you were with me right now? What would we say to each other? Would you still hold bitterness in your heart? Oh what I would not give to be able to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, and plead with you for one last chance. I would give everything for you. My wealth, my power, my ambition, my very soul. I'd give all of that up if it meant we could live together in peace to raise children, perhaps even children that would not be tainted by the darkness of what would then be my old profession.

I never would have dreamed of entering the thought. To live life as a simple real-estate and family man, yet if we could be together, I would embrace such a life without a moment of thought or regret. You did something to me, Vanessa. You did something no one else could do. You broke me, yet you reforged me. And when I looked into your eyes for the first time and danced with you in that ballroom as "Heartaches played." it was the first time in my life I truly felt alive.

I will not rest until you are alive again my love.

Until then,

My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

I saw a rose today and I thought of you. You are indeed like a rose to me. You are a beautiful flower that had its thorns and I think in truth, that is I loved you as much as I did. I was and am always surrounded by yes men, I was surrounded by Yes men who did everything they could to suck up to me, sometimes it was because they feared me, but most of the time it was because they feared me though. Not you though. You always spoke your mind to me. It was truthful, it was raw. Even when we had our disagreements, everything you said to me you tried to tell me out of love...before I cast you aside. I was a fool. what I would not give to hear your voice again, what I would not give to have one of our arguments again.

Until then My Sweet Vanessa,

My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

to my Vanessa,



Her eyes are like the starry sky, her lips are cherry red, her hair is an obsidian black and her skin a velvet grand. Looking at her I felt alive, for the first time I could breath, and then that moment forever lost when she was taken from me. They say that death is not the end, that it's better to love and loss, yet lies my soul in countless waves upon a tempest toss. Quoth the raven nevermore a famous bard once said. For once laid in the cold hard grave, for all forever dead. Yet fate will not deter me love, again my eyes will see, a woman with those ice blue eyes, with you again I'll be. If I must I will breath death, tear the pearly gates apart. For nothing bellow or above will match our long lost love. 

This poem does not do justice for you my love. but wherever you are, I hope you see my words.


My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

I drank alone today. Normally I don't allow myself to indulge in such vices, as I consider those more for the weak minded, but even the strongest man can began to crumble. I am exhausted. Ever sololution I have thought of has let to failure. Is God trying to tell me that this is my fate? Must I live alone, never again to know what it's like to feel the touch of true love?

No, no I will not accept this. I know what it is like to love and be loved and I refuse to go back. Even if I have to destroy the whole natural order of things to bring you back then that is what will be done. People think of me as just a bloated thug, but I think people forget just how determined I can be. I did not get to where I am because it was handed to me.

Until next time My Sweet Vanessa,



My heart aches for you.

[John Kilroy]

My Sweet Vanessa,

I have done it! I think I have found the answer there is a girl in the X-Mansion, her name is Ziggy Karst she has a knack with technology...alien technology, and Venessa...she looks just like you. She has your eyes, your beautiful blue-green eyes. I know she is ours. I just need to set up a DNA test to prove it. I will have so many questions when you return to me. Did you lie? I thought you said the baby was lost. Have you I failed you so horribly, that you felt like you had to send her far away so that my sins would not reach her?

It is clear I have much to make up for, but I promise...after this last dance with the devil Things are going to change for use. I promise you that. I love you Vennesa. We will meet again someday.

Until then,

My heart aches for you.