Flight of the Phoenix: Where I've Been and Where I'm Going.

[John Kilroy]

Since coming back from the White Room, I feel like my life has been turned upside down. It's like I've been suffering from dementia for the largest chunk of my life and suddenly I'm fully lucid again, I remember everything from my time with the Avengers as Firehair to my life with the X-men as Jean Grey. I'm one singular being, a being known as The Phoenix. in a party store I actually found a "Sexy cavewoman costume" (Whatever the heck that means?) and it just brought me back. I found myself reminiscing on my past, mainly thinking about the First Avengers. I guess people nowadays would refer to them as The Stone Age Avengers, but to me, they will always be The First Avengers.

Odin, Ghost, Vynn, Mosi. I find myself missing them. Granted I know their spirits remain and one of these days I'll guide them to the White Room along with all of the heroes that have fought for this universe and there will be an eternity of so much feasting and lively gatherings Odin will be so envious he'll be greener than Bruce Banner. hahaha! .But now is not that time. For now, my place is still here. When time is at its end and the last hero walks into the sunset then will that time come, but for now I still have work to do.

I knew the Shadow King, long before they became the Shadow King. We had a conversation once and they told me something that has stuck with me even millions of years later. "Evil does not die, it evolves." They're right. Evil always lingers, it changes, but the nice thing about good is that it does not die either, but unlike evil, good does not change, it remains steadfast and unchanging it's a wall of defense against an ever-changing evil. The heroes change but the ideals they hold do not, at least so long as we do not forget them.

[John Kilroy]

As silly as it may seem, I'm terrified to go back to the X-Men. Silly I know, a being that could truly consider herself a cosmic goddess is afraid to face her mortal friends, but I am human too and I am afraid. Specifically, I'm afraid of meeting up with Scott again I know I should not be but...The fact of the matter is, I'm not the woman that Scott loved, if she ever existed at all, then she died several times over. My heart belongs to James, and rather than accept that fact and react accordingly I was dragging them both along, trying to have both worlds and that's unfair to both of them. Besides, Emma is a much better woman for Scott than I ever could be but just because all of that is easy to say in a journal, that doesn't make it easy to say in person. Can I convince him that the Jean Grey he loved is dead? and even if I can convince him of that fact, would it hurt the dynamic of the X-Men if I get back into the picture? *Sigh* let this be a lesson to all who read this. Not even cosmic beings have all the answers.

[John Kilroy]

I never would have thought of associating Kentucky Fried Chicken with Christmas but I have to admit, everything is really good. Carol does know how to throw a party. I wonder how much of that is her and how much of that is the Shadow King, probably both to be honest. Unless Shadow King decides to try and lock Carol in her own mind and possess her body I'm not going to say anything. It's the holiday season I've just come back and I really would really like to not spend my first time back fighting. That being said if they do try to pull something though, I won't hesitate to Banish them, Carol has already suffered being locked in her own mind once and I refuse to let something like that happen to her again.

Honestly, the way we handled that whole situation still bothers me, even more so now that I remember all of my old connections to the Avengers.

*Sigh* we need to be better.