Charity Auction Prelude [Spider-Man, Mary Jane]

[Martyr]

J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.

---

"Parker, get in here!", J. Jonah Jameson, Jr. shouted at the hapless employee with the misfortune to have zigged instead of zagged and found himself in front of his office. "First, I need somebody to bounce this off of:

SPIDER-MAN STARTS TOWERING INFERNO

or

SPIDER-MAN BURNS DOWN HISTORIC BUILDING

Which one grabs you? Oh, Parker, that really is a good picture you took — really captured his menace! That's why we go to you for photos of that web-head. Now, let's see if you're a one-trick pony, Parker. Our society photographer had some bad clams or something for lunch, started puking his guts out and we need someone to cover this big, fancy gala tonight. Do you have a tux? Of course you don't, just look at you! Listen, go to Maxwell's on West 45th and ask for Bobby. Tell him I sent you, he'll take care of you. Oh, and Parker, don't worry about cost. I'll have Ms. Brant take it out of your next check. What? Why the long face? Have a date with your wife or something? Take her as a plus one for all I care. But, Parker, make sure to get good pictures! I'm not sending you to schmooze, and do not cause a scene. I might drop by and I don't need half of New York's big wigs complaining about my people while I'm trying to choke down those little hot dogs."

[Rift]

Peter stood there, index finger raised as if trying to get a word in, and ultimately just went with the flow. After years of being barked at by Jameson he knew better than to waste his breath trying to answer any of the fifty-thousand questions he had hurled at him. On the odd occasion he actually was allowed a word in edgewise he already knew how the abrasive JJ would respond.

He’d tell him “But Mr. Jameson, Spider-Man was trying to save people from that fire!” and his boss would simply reply “Well what do you know, that’s why we pay you for pictures, not headlines.”

He’d argue that Spider-Man was not being menacing, but striking a heroic pose or barely standing following a hard fought battle. JJ would claim it was some kind of ploy for sympathy over a mess he’d caused in the first place.

He could tell him he has a tux, albeit ill-fitting. He’d accuse him of selling to a gossip rag because he knew the Bugle didn’t pay him enough for a tux.

So instead he just took the bombardment as there really wasn’t another option. Besides, the extra work could only help even if hobnobbing with the rich and powerful didn’t appeal to him. Honestly, he’d rather fight Green Goblin with a busted web shooter than deal with that snobby crowd, but at least the event was for a good cause (right up his alley to boot considering it would help the minds of tomorrow continue learning) and money was money. It would help supplement his paltry teacher’s salary and besides, the mention of MJ going as a plus one may, just may, make up for the fact that he’d have to cancel a planned movie date night to cover the event. With the types likely to show up it could even be a good networking opportunity for her.

“Thanks Mister Jameson, I’d be happy to,” he answered finally, as if he had a choice. “And I’m sure Mary Jane will love to go as well. And you have nothing to worry about, I’ll make sure nobody notices me.”

Like THAT will happen with MJ on my arm, he thought.

“Oh and uh, I think it was actually the flamethrower that crook had that burned down the building, not Spider-Man,” he added because it was the routine.

[Martyr]

"Alright, Parker: let's get something very clear. Just so you don't go in there looking like an idiot and lose my company potential exclusives, this whole shindig is about STEM scholarships — Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics, not stem cells. We don't need more of those, but what this country does need is more eggheads! We need more heroes like astronauts! So, if anyone asks, your opinion about STEM scholarships is that they're great. Not that anyone will ask. I pay you to take photos, not to talk the ear off of some doctor trying to help poor kids get through college!"

"And Parker, take a good hard look at that photo! Do you see a crook with a flamethrower? Duh duh duh duh. NO! You should know, you took the blasted thing! All I see is Spider-Man throwing a man into a burning building!" He pointed to the static image. "Look, right here! Clear up swing!"

"Great! Now I'm agitated. Doctor says I shouldn't be agitated because of my heart attacks, but what does he know? I'm the publisher of a major paper! It's my job to be agitated, especially when ever two-bit punk with a camera phone is scooping us on the internet. Parker, you aren't using a camera phone are you? We're professionals! We should look like it." He glanced to the clock. "Look at the time! It's five minutes into your lunch hour! Get your butt to Maxwell's!"

[Rift]

Peter Parker

Peter started to explain that he knew what STEM was, that he genuinely supported it, and that he was something of a scientist himself having gone to college and now teaching the subject at a high school level or rather was before NYC turned into a war zone. He also wanted to dispute the Spider-Man throwing a guy into fire comment. What he got out was more along the lines of "Yes I...they are very good...helps cultivate the minds of...he was lifting a guy so he wouldn't burn...but uh...it's a still...no I use a professional camera even checked out an advanced lens from...lunch break, right."

Stammering completed he sighed and headed out to pick up the tux. With the high school still closed he had to focus on the extra pay. Besides maybe someone he knew would be there. The Richards for instance were patrons of the sciences and maybe even Tony or a representative of Stark Industries.

And won't that be fun since we haven't spoken since everyone picked sides. he thought as he entered the elevator.

[Rift]

Peter sighed. He had rushed downtown to Maxwell's as Jonah instructed, spent a good twenty minutes or more being measured, spent another ten assuring Bobby that yes Mr. Jameson approved this transaction, and finally got his tux for the evening. Of course he wasn't allowed to leave the store until he tried it on because Maxwell's was old school like that, wanting even a frumpy borderline homeless guy like Peter Parker to look his best if he was wearing their clothes. Finally, tux in a bog over his shoulder he grabbed a burger and decided websling his way back to the Daily Bugle because it was faster than any other mode of transportation in the city.

Between gulping down the burger, cursing his luck, and being careful not to wrinkle the tux he found time to put in a call to Mary Jane. He got her answering service instead, quickly apologized for having to bail on movie night again and explained that he knew it was short notice but could she pretty please find something to wear to accompany him to an egghead charity where he could snap photos and nod in all the right places. He'd save the part about running into a bunch of the people who during Civil War tried to arrest him until he saw her in person, mainly because he didn't trust giving away too much over the phone. Hopefully she could call him back soon because he still had to get back to the Bugle, develop some shots he'd taken discreetly during Deadpool's birthday disaster, and then make it home in time to change and get to the auction.

"Somedays, I wish I'd been bitten by a radioactive roadrunner. Or a cheetah, you know? Speed over style?"

The pigeon he spoke to cooed at him in response.

"Thanks Joe, I needed that."