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Post by Super Chick on Jun 19, 2020 11:53:41 GMT -7
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Natasha looked sympathetically across to Ava. She was starting to get it when she admitted that Alexei was "dead" and "buried." It seemed like she was confusing herself by trying and failing to construct images of her friend and mother, but to Nat's mind it made more sense that someone that Ava felt a strong romantic connection toward would leave her with a stronger impression than her friend, Oksana, or her mother who had died when Ava was yet so young. Alexei was fresh in her heart,the wound of a love that never had a chance to blossom. Young love was often like that in her experience: incredibly passionate and entirely embraced by abandon. It brought to mind a few beautiful memories with a couple of men during her own youth. One who turned into an enemy and another a hero. A small sigh of understanding escaped her lips with the thoughts, Natasha focused on Ava with some incredulity when she mentioned making her forget.
"You do not want that," she warned. "Forgetting is not all it is made out to be. You lose too much in the process of trying to forget one thing. You lose yourself."
Ava seemed to want to end that line of thought and stood, dismissing her response with the idea it had been a long day and then blaming her frustrations and inability to focus on being "stuck in that building" and told she wasn't ready for missions on her own yet. Natasha began to assert that no eighteen year old SHIELD agent would be allowed to be set loose on their own no matter the training they'd accomplished. It was merely a matter of experience and maturity that would keep her from obtaining this goal for several years. However, Ava seemed to answer her own question by asserting that the med bay was becoming "her room." So, the Widow merely raised a brow at her protege.
"Think about what you just said, Ava. Why do you end up in the med bay so often? Is it perhaps because you still have much to learn? That maybe there is more training and experience to be had before you are permitted to do solo missions?" Natasha pulled her legs up under her in the chair for more comfort. "And do not forget, most agents of SHIELD do not 'go solo.' They are given partners if they are in the field, a buddy system as it were, or they are part of a larger team. Usually, the only ones who perform solo missions are spies."
She looked at Ava with genuine interest. "Is that what you wish to be, sestra? Is it your dream, or is what you think you should be because of our connection?"
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Post by Gummy on Jun 19, 2020 15:43:17 GMT -7
Ava moved over to the kettle and put it back on, it was more of a distraction than anything else. Something to do to give her chance to think. Forgetting would be better, it would make everything go away. Make her less of a threat but then who would she be? She listened and allowed herself to relax a little more. With her back to Natasha she asked.
"Do you want another coco?"
It didn't matter what the answer was she would still make two mugs this time hunting to see if she could fine any squirty cream and marshmallows for on top. She was still listening but not talking in response. More a case of thinking. So many questions and the answers she knew only a few of. It was her powers that kept her returning to the med bay. Lifting her hand as she was bent looking in a cupboard she watched the sparks fly. Ivan was to blame for most of it but it was Natasha who was to blame for... The pain and memory hit her like a sledgehammer. Then the want of revenge on Ivan... Finally the memory of the enclave where Ivan's brother sat. She was going to kill him. She was going to get her revenge but then...
Numb...
Her whole body unable to move as she stayed crouched not moving anything in the cupboard and watching the sparks fly across her hand. What did she want? She still wanted revenge but her target had changed. Did she want to be a spy? Did she want SHIELD? Did she want to work as part of a team and risk other's lives? The numbness quelled the storm inside. The sparks flickered on her fingers and as she closed her fist the sparks faded. Hating to be like this with only a shadow of a companion. Did she want any of this? Sharp and strong. Was she that any more. Was that really her? Did the girl from her youth die during the pain and anguish that Ivan had given to her? She left the questions unanswered as she didn't know the answers. Not to Natasha's or her own. For now she just looked into the darkness of the cupboard as if the answers were inside. Only a couple of boxes with spare supplies for hot drinks were there gathering a little dust.
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Post by Super Chick on Jun 22, 2020 15:59:17 GMT -7
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It was evident as Ava froze looking into a mostly empty cupboard that she was thinking. The sparks flying across her hands allowed Natasha a window into the fact that whatever she was thinking of was bringing her through a swath of emotions. The elder Widow sighed. There was nothing to be done for Ava but to train, learn and experience, all of which boiled down to time. It was going to take time for Ava to know how to control her powers; time to figure out why she had them; and, time to come to grips with why she still saw Alexei.
However, waiting was exactly what would be hardest for the impatient young woman in the kitchen. Ava wanted everything NOW. If it didn't come easily, then it damned well should so it had to be someone's fault! If she didn't know the answers, then she'd learn them today. Why couldn't she go on her own missions right now? Why wasn't her training already completed? Why did it take so long to gain SHIELD's trust. Why couldn't she control her powers yet? Everything she questioned was the result of an expectation that she be handed everything that she wanted and deemed necessary - and that all things was provided to her yesterday! Oh, the entitlement issues with this one! What made her think she didn't have to endure the same amount of training, the same amount of supervision, and the same amount of time it took to gain others' trust that it took everyone else on the planet? Why did Ava think she deserved better? More? Immediately?
Natasha just shook her head at her own inner contemplation while she watched the youthful image of a girl that could have been her ninety or so years ago. She was not this way, but then Nat wouldn't wish her upbringing on anyone. Another sigh escape her lips as she closed the distance to Ava and reached in the cupboard drawing out a package of dry milk.
"We don't have any marshmallows, but this can work in a pinch for some extra cream," she told her. It really didn't take a spy to know what the teen was pretending to look for. She held the instant milk out to Ava. "Don't use it all. It's what we have for our cereal in the morning, too."
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Post by Gummy on Jun 23, 2020 10:28:42 GMT -7
Ava stayed staring into the dark thinking it was only when Natasha reached over that she moved from the place.
"Interesting holiday you got me on."
She took the powdered milk and used a little to add a bit more to her hot chocolate. It was hardly anything but it will do.
"I like dry ceriel. Well.. it depends what type to be honest."
Some were unsuitable to be dried but beggars couldn't be choosers when you lived on the streets on your own.
"I don't know what I want to do with SHIELD. There have been a few interested in my skills. There is also Captain America who had me on a mission to get Ruby Thursday with Patrick from Avengers. That was a rather different mission*."
Enough said, she was still tired and aching from that mission. Finishing off two hot chocolates she offered one to Natasha.
"Sestra? I know you had no choice for what you ended up doing but why did you decide to join SHIELD and the other groups?"
She wanted to hear it from the horses mouth. There was so much she didn't know despite knowing most things. The memories seemed to fade slightly the longer they were apart. She was made because of Ivan. She was made to take over from Natasha. She was going to be better than her in many ways but the drive pushing her forward had changed.
*different because it has not finished yet!
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Post by Super Chick on Jun 25, 2020 16:29:58 GMT -7
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Natasha smirked when Ava asked what kind of vacation she brought her on. It was a dig at her that the kitchen wasn't more fully stocked, which Nat just took in stride. It wouldn't be much of a hidden getaway if Natasha was here often enough to keep fresh groceries on hand, or if she had others stocking it for her. However, as Ava mentioned her hesitations with what she wanted to do with her life, Natasha's smile faded slowly back to a neutral look. It wasn't unusual for a teenager to not know what they wanted to do with their future. Yes, it seemed to be an American plague more than in other countries but that was to be expected with the culture.
"You know there's no reason you need to know what you want for your future right now. There is still a lot of learning and experience to be gained with your current training. It is good to have goals, yes, but I do not ascribe to the idea that you need to choose what to do with the rest of your life when you are so young and have yet so much to live."
Ava offered her another cup of cocoa - which Natasha accepted because only a fool would turn away chocolate. Then she asked why she joined the organizations she had, which would be a far longer conversation than Natasha anticipated, and yet seemed like exactly the right thing to happen on this girl's trip to reconnect. So, Nat sipped her cocoa then began. "Well, I joined SHIELD out of necessity. Had I not, I would likely have been incarcerated or otherwise buried with so many other spies for the Motherland. The Avengers, well, I was invited once I proved my value and trustworthiness. I think it was an honor to be asked, really, and .... I think part of it is making up for my past, I won't lie."
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Post by Gummy on Jul 5, 2020 12:10:58 GMT -7
Ava muttered quietly under her breath, something she wasn't known for.
"There is nothing to live for."
Ava spoke a little louder.
"I know what I would like to fight for. Hawkeye helped me figure that bit out. Though..."
She frowned as she thought about the doubts and about what she had and had not done. It gave Natasha the time to speak again. Her face looked curious and then her eyebrows shot up. Staying she looked down to her hot chocolate.
"So being asked to work with a trainee Avenger is an honour? Didn't think of it that way. Also Blade has asked if I would like to join an elite team after he rescued me from Skinless Man."
Shaking her head she drank some more and frowned into the depleting mug. She wasn't good enough for any of them. She did need the training and then start to bring SHIELD down with skills from both them and Natasha. She would do it right and she would be better. Her shoulders started to tense again.
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Post by Super Chick on Jul 6, 2020 14:09:37 GMT -7
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It didn't take super-powered hearing to know that Ava mumbled that she had nothing to live for. All it took was an attentive spy who was giving her her undivided attention and was proficient at reading lips and deciphering whispers. Those words, though, seemed out of character for her protege until Natasha remembered that Ava was yet an adolescent. Too many youths struggled with those thoughts under the stress of growing up and figuring out how to become their own person and discover the elusive question of their purpose while under the pressure of society to already know who they were. It was an unrealistic expectation of many cultures but one that people continued to press on their children despite the fact most adults still had no answers. Natasha filed Ava's depression away in her memory. It was something to address, but Natasha would do it while in the context of their conversation rather than calling out what Ava had tried to mumble to herself.
The elder Widow smiled at the mention of Hawkeye again. "You know, Clint helped me to figure out a great many things as well. He's a really good person. I could see him being a mentor for you." Nat allowed her smile to drop a little. "Blade, however, is probably not someone you want to follow just yet. His path is often a very dark one, but I will tell you this: Almost any team you can join that will help to give you experience should be an option. The Young Avengers or an Avenger 'trainee' as you mentioned is a great beginning. An elite team with Blade could also provide experience, but again, those whom he fights are often beyond your average super-villain. So, it may be a bit too much for you to start, but it is no less an honor to have been asked. In fact," Natasha grinned, "having Blade invite you to an elite team is a great indicator that your value and talent s being noticed."
Unless he was being sarcastic, in which case I'll have to kill him, she thought.
"I think you are doing well, Ava. Really. You just need to give yourself a break sometimes. No one could live up to your expectations of yourself. Hell, I can't even live up to your expectations and I've had decades of practice!"
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Post by Gummy on Jul 7, 2020 16:08:33 GMT -7
Ava looked up at Natasha. She was not smiling but was thinking. Listening to Natasha she kept quiet it was not until the end that she broke her silence.
"I think I would like that... could I talk to him about my classified information or am I still not allowed... Agent Carter wants me to see another councillor. Agent Coulson, well... he tries. The ones they have sent me to I was unable to disclose things. Plus, I don't think SHIELD will let me go and join another group. Not with what I know or potentially know."
She shook her head. Not that she wanted to reveal what was really going on with her. That was one thing she kept closer to her heart. Although, there was still a dark thought in her mind. With Natasha's words though she became shocked. To say she looked gobsmacked was a mild understatement. If she had had hot chocolate in her mouth it would have been spluttered out!
"Did.. did you just imply that I am better at you?"
Then her smile became wider and she crossed her arms feeling better. Her mind then heard the rest of the words as a warning. The smile turning to a slight frown.
"I'm living up to my standards. I may not have your physique but I'm getting there. My lessons are progressing and my languages are improving. I find Japanese the hardest. I know I could wear a translator ear piece but I don't want to rely on that especially as the ear pieces I keep shorting at the moment."
She looked more annoyed but shrugged it off.
"Thanks though."
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Post by Super Chick on Jul 9, 2020 16:31:01 GMT -7
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Ava asked if she could share classified information with "him" and Natasha took that to mean Blade. "It wouldn't be classified if you could share it with everyone," she replied. "But those within SHIELD with the proper clearance can be spoken to about things. If you don't know if they have clearance, then don't tell until you do. That's the basic rule of thumb in our line of work. So I agree with the idea you need a new counselor. You need someone to whom you can tell everything without worry of holding back some details."
Then the craziest of things happened. Ava thought Natasha had insinuated that the younger Widow was more capable at being herself than she was. Natasha wasn't sure how to tackle that. If she told Ava unequivocally "no" then the girl would be upset. If she told her yes, she'd be lying. So instead Nat opted for silence on the issue. For now.
"I'm glad you feel like you're living up to your own standards, even if that's not how you present yourself most of the time. As far as having my physique, that may not happen. I had a variant of the Super Soldier serum. As far as I am aware, you have not." Natasha quirked her brow. "Have you?"
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Post by Gummy on Jul 11, 2020 14:09:11 GMT -7
Ava looked at Natasha with slightly closed eyes as she listened.
"I wasn't on about anyone, just Hawkeye... if ... if that is ok? He seems nice. I think it might help. Coulson tries his best but he is so busy that I barely see him any more. Mr Stark is well... 'unsuitable as he has his own issues' which are obvious. Tony has also been very quiet lately. I miss having his quirky text messages!"
She had cheered up a little but the last question she opened her mouth as if to say something then drifted off into the mid distance. It took her a while to figure out what she was trying to think of, the only issue was it was blurry. Her past was... confusing. As each day herself and Natasha's memories jumbled together. She looked really confused.
"I-I don't know... My time with моя мать (moya mat'/my mother) is a little... foggy. I was young and what happened..."
She closed her eyes as the room and him and seeing the clear observation window with her mother and him slitting her throat. The agony! Her world being torn away. Her doll, she was still holding onto the arm the only thing that didn't hurt. She didn't know that her hands were heating up the mug and sparks flew from one hand to the other. Nor did she know that her ghost had become slightly more visible to Natasha as it walked over to Ava. Her past was there and for that time she was stuck in it. The revenge she had wanted taken from her by SHIELD. A storm was starting to rage and her watch beeped loudly warning of a building of power. A frown deepened on her forehead which was turning into an expression of pure hate and anger.
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Post by Super Chick on Jul 13, 2020 16:20:19 GMT -7
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Natasha sighed deeply with Ava's clarification. "Sadly, no. Clint isn't an agent of SHIELD and he isn't cleared for all of the intelligence concerning the missions we run. He could possibly try to obtain it, but I'm unsure if he wants it. After all, you and I both know Hawkeye isn't exactly someone who wants to deal with a lot of red tape." Natasha paused before adding, "I also don't think he is the best person for you or anyone to confide in and treat like a counselor. He hasn't the training or inclination for it."
When it came to Ava addressing Natasha's query concerning her having any variation of the Super Soldier serum that had been given to her, Ava became agitated. Sparks began to fly from her hands and he watch started going off in warning. Natasha moved to her side and put a hand cautiously on her shoulder. "I don't know what you're thinking about, but you need to calm down. This may appear to be a shack on the mountain, but I assure you there are plenty of things here that you could short out and the last thing I think either of us wants is a house on fire."
If Ava calmed herself, Natasha would inquire as to what set her off in such a mood. If she did not, the Widow was prepared with Plan B. The syringe of heavy sedatives was secreted away in her hand that was not touching Ava's shoulder for comfort. Ava was calm to control herself, or Nat would do it for her.
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Post by Gummy on Jul 13, 2020 16:58:40 GMT -7
Ava was stuck in her mind but the touch was enough to bring her back... just about. Ava blinked as she looked at her ghost then to Natasha. She felt like the bottom of her world had just fallen out. She kept quiet and still closing her eyes to centre her thoughts and bring them all back to the here and now.
She couldn't help sending flashes of what she was thinking to Natasha. It was always a risk both of them took when touching each other. Things had got better when they discovered clothing would help block the link through touch. At least it didn't make her black out any more, a definite bonus. The sparks calmed as Ava breathed to steady herself. When she opened them she looked at Natasha.
"I was trying to think what had happened. It's... confusing to me. I remember going to ballet lessons and my Mother teaching me the dance. There was a dog... no..."
Deep frown lines appeared as she looked down at the floor.
"I never had a dog."
Her fists clenched even tighter, she looked up to Natasha. Her eyes glistening slightly but she was trying to hold it all together.
"A lot of my past... I made myself forget. So I don't know if I have had that serum. All I know is a vague knowledge of my past. I was getting angry... A little at you. A lot at SHIELD. Even more at Ivan."
She ran a hand through her hair, she didn't know why she had just said that. Perhaps it was simply because Natasha and her were so closely linked by force. They were sisters but they were also more than that. For that moment Ava didn't see Natasha as another agent of SHIELD but as someone she could trust.
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Post by Super Chick on Jul 15, 2020 15:08:09 GMT -7
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Natasha watched Ava closely. She didn't calm down immediately, but she also didn't worsen. It was a gradual progression as the younger Widow took her training in meditation and began putting it into practice. Breathing deeply and focusing, Ava was able to overcome the intensity that nearly pushed her over the edge and bring herself back to some degree of normalcy. Natasha put the syringe back into its hiding place but remained vigilant should Ava explode anyway. She listened to Ava try to explain where her head went. Of all the people on the planet, Natasha probably understood too well the feeling of not knowing what memories were real and which ones were implanted or someone else's. Her time in Russia under Ivan's domination provided her many identities, few of which were anywhere near who she was or ever desired to be. Though, to be fair, Natasha did recall enjoying her time as a ballerina... but that was not the point.
"I understand," she replied simply. "I understand the feeling of confusion and being lost in someone else's memories. I understand why you are angry with SHIELD. To be honest, I was not impressed with their treatment of you but I also understood it from their perspective." Natasha held up her hands in defense of what she expected to be frustration from Ava. "Others may have just killed you for the threat you posed, Ava. They at least kept you alive, even if it was in isolation - something I wish could have been different but neither of us can change the past."
With a deep exhale, Natasha continued. "I also understand why you would be angry with me for not coming back for you. I said that I would and I should have, but let us both be honest: If I had, little would have changed. SHIELD would likely have perceived us both a threat and we would have been hunted. That would not have been pleasant for you, either. And then there is Ivan...." Natasha's eyes narrowed. "I think we both agree that he is the ultimate target of our hatred. It is good he is dead, but we mustn't think our revenge is complete. His legacy yet haunts us - and you in particular."
Of course, it went without saying to the former spy for Russia that most things Ivan did in his lifetime seemed to somehow involve Natasha. It was like he enjoyed challenging her the most; tormenting her the most. She was his favorite little soldier, but being Ivan's favorite merely meant that he used you the most for whatever he could gain. Often his plans were set in motion and did not see fruition for years. Sometimes decades. Only someone with Nat's longevity could "benefit" from such things perfectly. Natasha wondered just what yet lay in store for her, and not just in her lifetime. No, mostly, she wondered what lay hidden in Ava that would be so dangerous to her in the future.
Natasha looked beyond the ghost Ava had manifested in her anger and took Ava by both shoulders to look her in the eye. "I will not leave you to fight this on your own. We are sisters now and you will have difficulty ridding yourself of me. We will defeat whatever scheme Ivan set in motion together." That was not negotiable.
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Post by Gummy on Jul 16, 2020 15:38:15 GMT -7
Ava looked at Natasha as if she was seeing her for the first time. Her watched gave another couple of beeps before it stopped. Then the truth of it all hit her a slight raise of an eyebrow was all that showed. That point in her past they didn't know what had properly happened and was going to happen between the pair. All she knew was it hurt a lot and was made even more painful by the murder of her mother by a man who she trusted... at least a little.
Keeping quiet she listened and watched Nathasha's every move and hint of emotions. What she said was the truth and that hurt even more. Part of her thought the world would have been better off with her dead. Or it would have been better for her friends and perhaps even Alexia. The ghost didn't seem pleased with her thoughts. She held her tongue as Natasha finished talking and the ghost berated her. Then she snapped at it. Looking past Natasha.
"BUT IT'S TRUE!"
Ava shook her head and turned her back on the pair. Her shoulders hunched, head down and arms crossed she let out a sigh. Her voice calming.
"Thanks."
She turned back to Natasha a different expression on her face.
"Is it my fault that Dante, Alexia and Senna are as they are? Would the world be better off without me? Would the world be better off without SHIELD locking people away and keeping them unconscious? I was never on my own, I learned from all I met with. You mean his daughter? She is still out there. Perhaps, he planned for all that happened. Then there is that Oriental man who left the note. They are right... I'm not ready. I hope that I will never be ready for their plans."
Then she did something she knew could be dangerous and leaned in to hug Natasha if she was allowed trying to avoid skin to skin contact. It is just that moment of time her emotions were all over the place and it had been a long time since she had been held.
"We fight together."
For a small space of time she felt like she was 7 years old once more. Her mother teaching her to dance and everything was right with the world.
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Post by Super Chick on Jul 29, 2020 15:22:54 GMT -7
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When Ava gave her outburst toward the illusion of Alexei, Natasha did not react. Encouraging her toward the ghost they had both seen and interacted with at one point or another was not a healthy path for the girl.Natasha had come to terms with the fact Alexei was dead, that the illusion she once allowed herself to fancy as a possibility and interact with on a mission was now something she had to dismiss. If she did not, she would surely go mad. Likewise, if Ava did not let Alexei go then she, too, would travel a path of madness for which there would be no cure. So it was that Nat determined that whenever the subject of Alexei came up or when Ava would bring his illusion to life, that Natasha would either ignore it or confront the impossibility of it. She could not and would not encourage her sestra down that path.
But, when Ava came in for a hug, Natasha did allow that. She even went so far as to wrap her arms around Ava in comfort. Sure, it was always dangerous for them to be in such proximity, let alone touching, but in this instance the risk was worth the reward. Ava needed a friend, a sister, and that was exactly what Natasha had determined she was going to be. Her brother was dead, but this impetuous, high strung, and highly intelligent girl with a unique connection to her was right here. Natasha would embrace her for as long as Ava wanted it.
"Together, Ava."
At some point they would part and Natasha would give a familial kind of smile to her protege. "So, you look hungry. How about pizza? I happen to know there is a fully stocked kitchen in the lower level of this shack. The question is, what do we want on it?"
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